The first date could be the start of something really special, however even the most confident individuals can become nervous wrecks when meeting someone for the very first time. So to help you avoid a terrible first (and only) date we’ve put together a handy list to help you prepare and get through the date successfully.
Having the wrong expectations from your First Date
You may have watched While You Were Sleeping or a Punjabi romcom as you start seeking your Sikh soulmate and may have as result set unrealistically high expectations from what to expect from your first date. Or on the other hand you may have had a few awful dates and therefore naturally expect more of the same. In either case, you’re setting yourself up to fail, but this could easily be avoided.
Firstly, don’t expect perfection (it doesn’t exist), in the real-world as human beings no one is perfect and if you believe otherwise, you will be disappointed. Despite minor imperfections, if you both make each other smile and are on a similar wavelength, then don’t stop after the first date.
Secondly, if you believe the first date is going to be a disaster, it probably will be as you exude negative vibes and you’ll be looking for signs to justify your belief.
Go in to your first date with some optimism, after all you wouldn’t be meeting the other person if the online chats and calls hadn’t given you both some hope that it might work out!
Not Being Yourself During your First Date
No one can truly be themselves on a first date, you’re both anxious whilst being equally giddy with excitement on the inside. It’s only natural to want to impress each other. In doing so however, you may start portraying yourself as the person you believe the other is looking for (especially if you like them). Just as you might get carried away on a CV or within a job interview, you might start to embellish your achievements, plans for the future, habits and even behaviours.
To ease the stress, wear what feels comfortable, choose a date venue / location that matches your personality and mood. Lastly, don’t go in to you first date feeling that you have to be agreeable on every topic at the expense of your true beliefs and opinions. If you don’t agree, then start a friendly debate and explain why you disagree. People can have different views on various topics and yet have the most beautiful, healthy relationships.
Being a Motormouth on the First Date
Ok, you want to impress, and you don’t want awkward silences and as a result the other person is treated to a monologue, and you don’t get a balanced conversation.
Take a pause and let the other person speak and don’t forget to listen.
Conducting an Interrogation On your First Date
There’s so much to discover! You want to ensure the other person is genuine and that they are on a similar wavelength and have the ambitions that are aligned with yours. We get it.
BUT it’s not a job interview, and hopefully (if you play your cards right) you’ll have future dates to learn more about one another. So, don’t unleash a barrage of questions at your date and make them feel like they were at the wrong end of an interrogation by Punjab Police.
Not setting expectations at the end of the First Date
There’s nothing worse than being ghosted by someone who you may have spoken to online for several weeks and after the first date, they simply stop responding.
Therefore, the end of the first date is an important crossroads moment, do you both want to date again or is it goodbye? It’s a bit like the end of First Dates, “would you like to see each other again?”. If it’s a no, then say so gently and with courtesy. If it’s a yes, then do arrange the next date or at least choose a date to meet again. However, if you’re unsure, then perhaps as the other person what they would like to happen next. Try to leave the first date by setting the expectation, don’t just say goodbye and wonder if you should message, or even worse get ghosted!
Don’t forget one of the core tenets of being a Sikh is to live truthfully with honestly and fairness.
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